At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
