if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
