If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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