just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you had me at cake vodka
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
