i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize