I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
