She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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