i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize