So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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