Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
