I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
