But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someone shit on the floor
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My pussy is not your playground.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
