As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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