Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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