Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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