We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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