Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize