you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
