what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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