porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
