Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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