So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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