Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He passed out mid-signature
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
