I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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