and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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