She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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