Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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