so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
