I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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