dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
