i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize