I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
