I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize