I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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