just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
