Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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