laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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