You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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