That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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