Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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