I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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