dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
