Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
