I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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