I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
