I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
