Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
