Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
