She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
