me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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