Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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