Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
