Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
