How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
