Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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