just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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