He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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