new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
