I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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