Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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