My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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