What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
