Porn is love you can see.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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