You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm at about main and main street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
