i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
