Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
